How To Ask Questions

I've always been inquisitive, which has won me friends, who've been flattered by my interest, and annoyed others, who found it invasive. I've been working to figure out how to ask better questions, questions for which I’ll get interesting, surprising answers. Answers which teach me something, advance a story, reveal someone's interests, or simply help me get to know someone better.I try to learn every day how to ask better questions and here are few things I have learnt.

Inquire, don't interrogate

The same question can sound like an attack or an invitation – it's all about tone. And I am shocked by how much of a difference a smile makes when asking a question you know someone doesn't want to answer.

Don't underestimate the power of surprise

Ask a question that's out of left field. People are often so surprised, they'll answer frankly and honestly, before they have a chance to think to go with the prepared babble that's oh-so predictable and dull.

*Really* Listen

If I get through a list of questions I've prepared, it's a sure sign that I'm not paying enough attention. What's infinitely better is reacting specifically to what's being said.

Don't "Ask" with a statement – just get to the point already

Everyone has been at those Q&A sessions where someone inevitably stands up and "asks" a long, rambling question designed to demonstrate his own knowledge rather than seek to gain knowledge from the expert. It's a waste of everyone's time. An incisive question can itself imply the knowledge - if you've done your homework, it'll be obvious, you don't need to spell it out.

Ask both the questions people are eager to answer, and those they're absolutely not

I love to hear people talk about the stuff they're most excited about – their eyes light up, they gesticulate and lean in. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t be dissuaded from asking about stuff people don’t want to discuss. Even if you know they won't answer it, it's worth trying. If I don't get an answer, I’ll just keep trying by asking smaller pieces of the same question.

Break up Big Questions into Little Bites

If you ask big, sweeping questions, you may get long, rambling answers, break it into something more manageable, A bunch of specific questions might be useful to help people build with concrete answers before they get to a big question.

Too Much Talk, Not Enough Observation!

We spend most of our days just getting things done but how about sitting back calmly for a short 30 minutes and observe your staff or clients. I was once told a story by a very successful man who told one of his managers that he did not pay her to work but paid her to observe work and adjust it accordingly. There is a wise message to be taken from that.


Since my earliest days of personal development study, my mantra has always "learn something new every day." More easily defined, I pay attention to everything and everyone.
There are very few brand-new ideas. When I get one, if it’s an offshoot of someone else, the first thing I do is acknowledge my source. Makes me feel better, and makes my source a resource, not a copyright infringement.

My power of observation has also paid MAJOR DIVIDENDS in sales. Using it on the sales call has often led to the right question, the right dialogue, uncovering my prospects buying motives, and big sales. I walk in ultra-prepared, and don't have to worry about what I'm going to be asked or what I'm going to say. Rather, I can focus on what's going on around me. I'm observing my prospect, his office, his desk, his way of dressing, his language, and everything about him that my relaxed state allows me to look at and learn.

 I find most people to be somewhere between wrapped up in their own world and oblivious. Okay, so HOW do you observe, HOW do you pay attention, and HOW do you learn?
HERE’S THE SECRET: It’s not just observing or paying attention. You must “combine” your abilities as you see things to get the maximum understanding:

• Combine observing and thinking.
• Combine observing and understanding.
• Combine observing and asking questions.
• Combine observing and coming to some conclusion, idea, or AHA!
• Combine observing and comparing to what you already know to be true.
• Combine observing with being open, positive, and eager to learn.

I refer to it as self-collaboration.
It’s what you see – compared or combined with what you already know. Paying attention and observing costs zero, but it’s worth a fortune. It can be your fortune, too. Paying attention and observing has given me the biggest opportunity for new knowledge and new information.

It can be YOUR biggest opportunity, too, if you decide to harness the asset you already possess.

Turn Your Next Chat Into A Sale!

7 Keys to a Flawless Conversation

How to start, continue and end a conversation

The ability to hold a natural conversation is one of the keys to success. Knowing when to initiate a discussion, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending dialogue with kindness is an art.

So, are you a smooth talker? Learn how to create connections in conversations by following these seven steps:
 

1. Exude confidence. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable. If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others. Remember: Enthusiasm is infectious.
    
2. Show up with something to say. Always be on the lookout for material. Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together: a party, association meeting or business affair. Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.
   
    
3. Begin with a question. Besides showing interest in someone, one simplequestion can start an entire conversation. Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd. Rather than, “What do you do?” ask, “How do you enjoy spending your weekends?”
    
4. Find common ground. The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest. Don’t shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business. They often create the perfect connection.
   
    
5. Focus on others. Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist. The art of conversation is “not tennis, in which you return the other fellow’s serve, but golf, in which you go on hitting your own ball.” Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.
    
6. Be inclusive. Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer. Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.
   
    

7. Close a conversation with class. When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, “It’s been a pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon.” Before leaving, be sure to thank the hosts.  And be nice to the PA or receptionist – they are sometimes asked for their opinion and if they like you then you may have a better chance.